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ramblings and blatherings on....and on. ... and on.... and on...

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You are viewing the most recent 20 entries.

28th September 2006

5:14pm: Missing someone I have never met...
Is it possible to miss someone you haven't met yet?

27th March 2006

10:19pm: PHOTOS OF MY BIRTHDAY- soon to come
NOTE TO SELF- don't forget to post them
and the other club photos and new years....

18th March 2006

7:11pm: 2 uncles and a heart attack
I haven't felt much like journaling lately.
My dad had a minor heart attack last week and I have been at his house keeping him company all week.

One of my favorite uncles, who I just started to get to know the past few years- passed away recently. He found out the beginning of February he had pancreatic cancer and he died on Feb. 28.

Then the day before his rememberance, another uncle died. But he was elderly and sick for a long time, and not a nice person anyways. I don't really feel sad for him, but sort of happy in a way for his wife -who he tormented endlessly for the duration of their marriage. I do feel sad for her, even though he was so horrible to her all those years, (including alienating her from her own children and grandchildren)- now she is alone, and I am sure to have spent so long with such a person, she must have loved him very much. Ahh. the pain in love. We def. do not pick whom we fall in love with... Sometimes I wish we could, we could pick some one we are compatible with and say to ourselves- "he's the one- I am going to fall in love with him- my family likes him, he is a good person..." but life doesn't work that way.
The world knows it never works like that for me.
I always someone find people who are INCAPABLE of loving... being honest.... being genuine.

All these things that happen make you think. Mostly I lay in bed not able to sleep, thinking what if my dad died... then I actually go through thoughts of how I would dispose of his furniture after he died... why??? I guess thinking rational things like, who should I call first, where should he buried, I guess it calms me, being rational...'

My favorite uncle- I feel so sorry for his wife. I was just thinking one day (the day before my cousin's 21st bday party that I would see my uncle the last time and his wife..) how that she is my favorite auntie ... the one I look for when I show up to family events. I always feel loved, and listened to, when we are together, and calm.. There are 7 sisters and brothers, and then add on wives and husbands and kids. I have like 30 family members at one event to talk to sometimes... it can get very... claustrophobic! I have to go hide after a few hours, being around that many people at a time and so many conversations going on at once, makes me sort of dizzy...
I feel so bad for her. My favorite auntie, and favorite uncle- they truly were so much in love. I don't think I ever have seen such a great love. They were inseparable. True soulmates.

I can't ever imagine finding my soulmate and losing him like that.
They have only been together since about 1988. She had some kind of cancer first, and he helped her through it. He was a firm believer in herbal medicines, and used various things at the same time she went through chemo.

I really don't know how I feel right now, and I keep rambling, hoping it will help.. I feel blocked. sort of like I am just going through the motions everyday. You would think I would be jumping out of bed everyday to go see what the world has for me to experience. But I just feel so tired. I can't sleep at night... I don't know why I am so sad. I am not really that close to my dad. I think he tries, and that he loves me, but it is so hard to tell... He is so unemotional and guarded. He is 70 and has had bladder cancer for about 6 years now. He had a long life... And the mean uncle, well I don't feel sad about him. Maybe I feel very sad because of -not that my uncle died, he had such a HAPPY very full life, but more I feel sad for my aunt who has to spend the rest of her life without him.

Writing about it didn't really make me feel better.

It just makes me think of regrets in my life.
I don't have many, most of them are things I can't help.
I don't regret making certain choices, mostly I regret how other people act... Can someone regret that?
I am sorry other people are cruel.
I haven't really done that much that I consider to be cruel to others... I have never cheated on a boyfriend, or stolen a friends lover...I try to always treat others as I want to be treated... with love, respect, understanding...
Mostly I regret other peoples' dishonesty.
Why can't people be more honest about who they are and what they want from you??

12th July 2005

10:19pm: most HILARIOUS eBay auction ever.

haha. people used to live next to me in things like this!
and this is HIGH CLASS compared to our old neighbors

19th March 2005

7:11pm: veggie update
after seeing that video:

i stopped buying milk and eggs. i drink soymilk now. i only eat eggs from my friend's farm now (i might give up eggs in the future). i stopped eating chicken. i barely ate pork or beef (last time i ate hamburger was on christmas- my dad made meatloaf- i only ate it to make him happy- cannot remember last time when i ate beef before that.) and i no longer will eat either. i never ate lamb or veal. i do not eat duck, goose and stopped eating turkey last thanksgiving. i ate half a piece and couldn't finish it.

if any of my friends reading this (or some random person who stumbles upon this) has any advice or suggestions about becoming vegetarian (recipes/ etc.) - i would be most appreciative!!!!!

18th February 2005

i just saw this animal cruelty video on the internet that made me cry.
i don't know how to post it here, but will try to find the link.
i don't know why anyone can eat animals after seeing this...
i don't think i will be.
Current Mood: sad

20th January 2005

2:12am: warm socks!!
i was doing laundry one day, and threw a pile of clean socks and sweatshirts on the bed.
i look over and see my baby pop her head out of the middle of the pile.

29th December 2004

11:31pm: fortune cookie
I went to my friend's work party with her and they had all this yummy catered food. My favorite was- of course -the sushi. They told everyone to take home all the food so I picked up a few fortune cookies. Apparently my little doggie likes fortune cookies and grabbed one out of my hand (at home). Her fortune cookie read:

You will always get what you want through your charm and personality.

14th December 2004

5:02pm: Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine
We took a walk that night, but it wasn't the same
We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain
She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go

16th November 2004

2:20am: fun selling on half.com
so far i have sold 400$ worth of my old books and cds!!
2:17am: have so many cds i can't listen to them all!
i got lots of cds to sell.
so if you want to take a looky loo
let me know and i will send my my ebay/half.com store link.
so you can tell me if you want to borrow any!!!
before i sell them!

27th August 2004

12:33am: MYTHOLOGY sites... to check out..
Here are some sites I found in a book I was reading... if you happen to read my post, check them out if you are interested.. and if you find a really great one= let me know which you like the most!!!

When I have time ( I dont even have time to write here!) I will check most of them out...

Read more...Collapse )

20th July 2004

10:09pm: sweetie- isms
i was watching tv with sweetie.. she was running around with a ritz cracker- trying to find a suitable place to "bury" it or hide it... she dropped it, dug on the carpet like she was digging out some dirt, dropped it on the same place she was "digging" and then proceeded to use her nose to "bury it" with the invisible dirt she had just dug up!!!!

i was laughing so hard, i had to cover my mouth- or else she might hear me and stop- and then started to fall off the couch...

i think that may have been the most adorable thing i have ever seen in my life!!!!

22nd June 2004

11:58pm: can't wait for drunken friday
whoo whoo..

got some STUFF on sale today... will be mixing it with hawaiian punch... on friday... and getting more drunk than i can remember..

my friend will be driving... yay... i love DD...and the super fly fresh cool dj will be playing my favorite mixes to shake my booty to...
Current Mood: thirsty

10th May 2004

9:25pm: emerson
what your heart thinks great, is great.
the soul's emphasis is always right.
- Ralph waldo Emerson.
9:23pm: william wordsworth
our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
the soul that rises with us, our life's star,
hath had elsewhere its setting,
and cometh from afar.

- William Wordsworth,
"ode: intimations of immortality"

26th April 2004

8:21pm: nasty chat

this was one of the funniest things i have read all year.....

22nd April 2004

9:32pm: more moving fun
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